it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
