just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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