What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
