hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
