yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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