i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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