He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
