quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
