so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
