Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
