Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
