I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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