i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
