Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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