whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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