you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
