I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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