I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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