I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
