Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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