Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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