the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
