I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
