I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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