Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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