good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
