I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
