I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
