I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
