Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Come see our sink grown plant.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm just crazy horny about you
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
