ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
