chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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