So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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