Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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