hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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