you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
