who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
