gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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