Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
