I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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