Barsexuality is the new black.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
