is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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