did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
