eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
