He kissed a someone with a penis
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
