dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
