If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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