she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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