FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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