I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
