Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
