went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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